Serving Master

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. Any and all advice given here should be taken with a grain of salt. If you have any questions, please consult your doctor. Play safe, think things through, be as prepared for emergencies as you can be. Don’t toss out common sense simply because you’re horny.*

Also, for the record, I am not pregnant. However, since I am in a 24/7 D/s relationship and Master and I happen to have children, I get all kinds of questions from all stages of parenthood. I happily do my best to answer fan questions (be them from the facebook page, via email, or left in comments below posts) as best as I can.
If you have a question, feel free to contact me. My email is Autumn.Ecrivain@gmail.com or you can find my ServingMaster page on Facebook.

Questions from Fans:

1.  I am hoping to get pregnant soon and am wondering if its still ok to carry on ‘playing’ whilst being pregnant? Is it something that usually stops. We don’t have a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship but I know I would go crazy if we couldn’t carry on for 9 months.

Playing while pregnant is fine as long as you keep in mind the extra risks (obviously). I would stay away from any and all blood play, or fire play fore sure (if you’re into that). I would also keep in mind that playing while pregnant can have as many different results as there are minutes in the day. One day it might be the BEST orgasm ever. The next it can be the same exact setup, but you find yourself crying about everything. Make sure you use your safeword whenever you need to, and try to stay away from the more intense versions of play. If you’re worried it might hurt the baby, don’t do it until you can ask your doctor about it.

2. I found out recently that we are pregnant (10 weeks as of today) and find myself thoroughly miserable due everything that comes with being pregnant. I have no sex drive! I know that it will come back (and probably w a vengeance! ) in the next month or two but as of right now, just the thought of the motion makes me nauseous. My Sir has been very patient…well, he’s trying to be. But its draining, and has caused a tiff or two between us because he is just so sexually charged. Always ready to go, you know? But I just don’t have it in me. I’m afraid I’ll get sick & it will just go to shit. We’ve talked about all of this and he “understands” (as much as a man can anyway), but I can clearly see that it is frustrating him to no end.
I want to Please him. Do you have any ideas as to how we will survive the first trimester?

Don’t fret! Your first trimester will be over in just two weeks! But I know that might feel like a long time when you’re pregnant. There are other ways to satisfy your Sir than sex. Blow jobs and hand jobs come to mind. Reminding him that there is a wide world web out there full of free porn to help get himself off while you catch up on sleep is another option. (Though for us, that just makes Master hornier).

Serving someone is more mental than it is physical. In this day and age, society deems that pregnant women are the ones who must _be_ served, instead of them continuing on with their lives as normal (just with a larger belly). And there’s nothing wrong with that way of thinking!
It’s part of how we’ve evolved, I think. We treasure the thought of new life, new additions to our species, so take extra care with the mother-to-be.
Unfortunately, this causes issues with those of us who have chosen to serve someone else in the BDSM lifestyle. We get what we actually want mixed up with what we think we’re supposed to want and it frustrates us and tires us out more than we already are. Not to mention the hormones that haven’t figured out exactly what the hell they’re doing.

I have found, that sometimes it’s nice to not be able to really say “not tonight dear, I have a headache.” I am submissive, I am to be available to him whenever he asks me to be. We have rules set up that allow me to say “Not tonight” but I have a bad habit of turning “Not tonight” into “Not this year!”.

Women (some of us anyway) tend to be able to go longer periods without sex than men as it is. Maybe because it’s mostly in our heads and we over-analyze things more often than naught.
Maybe it’s because we can hold a grudge longer. I honestly don’t know.

My suggestion is, do it anyway. Be 100% open with him in communication though. “Honey, tonight I need it vanilla style. I want it to be more like the love story romance movies than the kinky, nasty, BDSM, give it to me hard, kind.”
Keep a “mood journal” so that you can track your ups and downs too. If you find you’re more down than up, mention it to your doctor (there are some forms of medicine that they can give you to keep you happier throughout the whole process and that can help keep postpartum depression at bay later on as well).

Make a commitment to have sex (or at least an act of sex – even a blow job) with him on at least 3 out of 7 days in the week, even if you aren’t really feeling horny. It’s going to be a bit like working out: you know you should, you know it’s good for you (well your relationship) but getting into the mindset and going through with it might be harder than actually doing it.

As for getting sick on or around him, keep a bucket near the bed and use it when needed. It might happen, but he won’t find YOU any less attractive. It will be gross, obviously, but it will also be something the two of you secretly laugh at later on in life. It’s not the end of the romance. It’s just a step up the ladder of love and the view is a bit different up here than it is one rung below.

Thank you ladies for your questions! And please, please, please don’t forget that your doctor’s job is to make sure you and baby come through this healthy. Don’t fret about being judged, you don’t have to call it “BDSM” you can just say “We enjoy rough sex and I’m worried about _______ with the baby. Do you have any suggestions?” Your doctor is legally bound to keep those conversations private. Unless you admit to acts that could actually hurt the baby (which you shouldn’t be doing anyway). And even then, I’ve found that most doctors will say “Honestly, I think you should stray from that for now and try this instead.” For other questions, the internet is both your friend and your worst enemy. Please be careful when taking advice from random people online (myself included).

–Autumn