Serving Master

I have been pondering what to tell you here for a while now. You asked me this question about a month ago and I’ve gone over it and over it trying to figure out what exactly I can say that would both encourage you and help you in your path. The thing is, while I can see submissive tendencies that I’ve always had now, I had no idea I would not only enjoy being submissive, but that I would crave it desperately until years later. 

The only thing I can really tell you is to do research. Not just on what exactly it means to serve but on what you want out of that kind of a relationship. Some girls are pain sluts, others are 1950′s versions of kinky, still others think serving is just sex whenever he wants it. I’m sure you have your own definition of what it means to serve someone and what you’re looking for in a Dom, but it never hurts to keep looking, keep researching.

With each relationship you step into make sure there are clear guidelines. Write out the contract between you and your Dom (if you’re seeking for one). Remember that trust and communication are key in any relationship, especially D/s and M/s relationships!

Also, expect your desires and needs to change. Time has a way of doing that. Even if you think you’ll never change, you do. (Geeze now I sound like a bad PSA) My point is that you’re 18. You don’t need to settle down and find “the one” just yet. Have fun, figure out who you are and what exactly it is you’re looking for and date accordingly. Make sure YOU know where you draw the line and make it clear to anyone you choose to submit to. It won’t start out as M/s (or at least in my opinion it shouldn’t immediately start out as M/s) right off the bat. That’s something that will take time to find.

As I said at the beginning of this post, it took me years to realize I was even submissive, let alone admit it! I thought Dominance was what I was geared for… I pushed and shoved and fought back whenever ANYONE tried to dominate me in any fashion…. and yet years later, here I am, 24/7 slave. Funny how things turn out.

And because I am a mother myself I have to add “Please just be careful.”

But also, have fun. And when relationships end, walk away from it thinking about what this relationship taught you and how you’re going to apply that to the next one.

Hope that helps a bit,
-ariia

I am quickly learning that the toughest lesson on being a slave is that I don’t deserve anything. I am an owned slave, which means if I get anything at all it is because my Master has decided to allow it! (This includes everything from supper to orgasms, to sleeping in a bed… etc)

As a woman who has worked her way up the corporate ladder and gone through quite a lot in her life, I have come to believe I have earned certain rights. The thing is though, in my relationship with Master, I have relinquished all rights. Earned or otherwise.

I know this in my head, I have contracted this out on paper, but day in and day out I still have trouble remembering that I deserve nothing. There are days where I get sassy with Master or mumble under my breath (much like I did when I was a teenager). Days where I am told “no” and I pout or laugh as though his response can be changed. Master is quick to remind me of my place and it’s something I’m trying to stop doing but I wonder if at times I secretly enjoy being bratty. I can’t believe I just typed that without backspacing and deleting it forever…. but I’m anonymous here so I shouldn’t have to feel like I’m hiding anything other than my true identity… anyway…

I’ve found that I tend to be extra bratty (on purpose) when I’m craving Master’s hand. When I desire to be slapped or spanked, I tend to act out just to get that kind of attention. It’s something he and I have had to sit down and talk about several times now. He’s working at “rewarding” me with the “punishments” I enjoy (slaps, spanks, rough play, etc) and finding better punishments for when I am actually bad and in need of correction. For example, earlier today we were joking around and I sassed him, he playfully slapped my ass and told me that if I kept sassing him I’d get more spankings. I paused and then told him that I enjoy spankings, that personally I don’t think spankings should be real punishment since I do so enjoy them. Things like nipple clamps (currently known as clothes pins and paper clips) are perfect for punishments since I hate them so much. (They hurt, we’ve just started playing with them as of last week but OMG they HURT!!!!)

It lead to a long and very much needed conversation about our roles in this relationship and how desperately I need to feel owned and be reminded of my status often. Master has a rule that I am always free to express my opinions and desires with him, however to help remind me that he is Master and I am slave, I must do so on my knees, kneeling before him. There is something deliciously wicked about bowing before my Master and making a request at the same time. It reminds me a bit of Esther in the bible asking the king for a favor knowing full well that he could kill her for entering his presence without his permission. (On a side note, yes I’m an Atheist who knows her bible.)

Ack, I got distracted from the main point of this post again….

Anyways! I’m trying to be more graceful and obedient. I really do want to please Master. I know there is a learning curve here from normal citizen to owned slave. I’m glad that Master is patient with me but doesn’t allow me to get away with much either. I need that. I need him to be stern and strict and yet loving and gentle. I don’t know how the hell he does it but he is more patient than most people I know (my own Mother being the only person I can think of who has even more patience than Master). Someone once said that being in a M/s relationship is a bit like finding your own personal Jesus and worshiping them, bowing at their feet and such. I laugh when I think of that, but at the same time I can totally understand the meaning behind that point of view. And that is the attitude I am aiming for. If Master was indeed my own personal Jesus, how would I act around him, respond to his orders, or what would I do/say when in his presence.

I have a lot to learn and while I’ve come a long way in a very short amount of time, but I still have a ways to go… as a perfectionist, knowing that I still have so far to go kills me. But then, life wouldn’t be as interesting if there wasn’t a learning curve to things!

–ariia

I know, I know, I dropped out of the blogging world without a trace and it has been forever since I blogged (let alone commented on a blog). I’m here, I’m safe, I’m in good health, I’m just SUPER FUCKING BUSY. So much so that Master and I have barely had more than an hour or two to ourselves each day. It has royally sucked (not the sex mind you, but I’ve had about as much vanilla sex as I can handle, I miss our sessions, I miss having hours on end to play as we please and I thoroughly miss being bound, tied, gagged and whipped into oblivion)

Why am I so busy? Well to make a very long story short I got a crappy job that uses up every moment of my day 6 days out of the week and leaves me with no energy at the end of the day, let alone at the end of the week. I absolutely hate my job. I HATE IT. I am looking for a better job that requires less of my time and doesn’t make me cry before going to work day in and day out. The problem is that I need this job to help pay the bills and we just can’t afford for me to quit and wait around for the perfect job to fall into my lap.

Being the good little slave that I am I endure the bullshit and tears my job gives me and obediently go to work every fucking day even though all I want to do is QUIT! Ugh. End vent on the job thing…

The main reason Master and I have not been able to have more M/s sex is because of our energy levels at the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong, our version of vanilla is far from basic, regular, missionary style sex, but it’s also not a session either.

I miss sessions. I know they are only on hold for the time being because we have just moved (and god the move drained us emotionally, financially and whatever other way there is to drain a person) We’re still 80% unorganized and trying to figure out where things should go…but I digress. I miss being slapped more and whipped and tied up and teased and… oh I could go on and on!!

The only silver lining here is that WHEN we get back to that, WHEN we have energy again to play for hours on end, it will certainly help keep the spark alive here (not that it’s dying out, it’s just nice to know that this is how we keep it interesting in our relationship)

I should point out that even though we aren’t having M/s sex as often that doesn’t belittle my position as slave, nor does it diminish his position as Master. I still have rules to follow, I still get punished when I get bratty, I still call Master “Sir” or “Master” and he still refers to me as slave. We’ve actually become fairly inventive with how we refer to each other when around family and we “joke” about how I do whatever he tells me to because he owns me.

I’ll have to blog more about that later though. Right now my tummy is growling which means lunch needs to be made. In the mean time though I am still here, just not as often as I wish I was. I will still comment on your blogs and read through what I have missed (yes I love you guys THAT MUCH that I’m willing to read through ALL the blogs I have missed thus far!!) It is nice to have some routine things (like blogging) finally coming back into the schedule.

-a very tired ariia