Updated Rules

I did blog today, but it’s not showing up in the main feed because it was more of an “edit this post” than a “post a new post” thing. I am copying it here for those who are subscribed to my blog via email and won’t receive a notification for each and every page edit I do. (Which I’m sure you wouldn’t want anyway, I edit grammar and spelling errors ALL THE TIME on here and that would be FAR too many emails!)

The original rules disappeared on me, but I’m sure I can dig around and find a copy and then post them to the _bottom_ of the “My Rules” page if someone wanted me to.

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Last updated on March 19, 2014

GENERAL

  1. I will always be honest and respectful to Master. Even when I think he’s in the wrong, I will be respectful in my tone, actions and mannerisms. I am, however, allowed to be bratty in my thoughts so long as they don’t turn into actions that would disrespect Master. (After all, it would be impossible for anyone to realistically attempt to control my way of thinking. My individuality is part of what attracted Master to me and he would never want to destroy that. Just to throw that out there….)
  2. When serving Master food or beverage (not in the presence of children or vanilla/family guests) I shall:
    • Kneel before Master, head down, eyes down, and await Master’s approval of my gift or offerings.
    • If around others I will stand and await Master’s approval that my service has pleased him. His “thank you” is my cue that I have pleased him. (This is a fun one because sometimes Master forgets to thank me and then I just stand there like a dork waiting for acknowledgement. Which means I stand there not sure of what to do with myself and trying not to make it super obvious that I’m waiting for approval.)
  3. I am always in submission to my Master whether He is present or not, ready to please Him at any time, in any place, under any circumstances. The opportunity to submit and to please is by far more important and satisfying than any other pursuit (within reason — The general rule of thumb though is that children and emergencies, of course, come first. Which is outlined in our contract.)
  4. I will wear the collar Master gave me with pride, for it signifies his ownership of me and my devotion to him. While I am not required to wear my collar at all times, I keep it, and the lock that goes with it on me — usually in my purse — so that I may put it on any time I am requested to do so. My permanent collar is the tattoo Master gifted me that I designed which is proudly displayed on my back, above my shoulder blades. This is a symbol of His permanence in my life and my dedication to him, even when I am not wearing a physical collar.
  5. I am allowed to make friends with whomever I choose, so long as that friendship is not toxic. If my friendship with someone changes my behaviors, mannerisms, other relationships for the worse, then Master may tell me to either limit my time with that person, or cut them out altogether.
  6. The relationship that I have with Master is my primary relationship. Due to the fact that He and I are in an “open relationship” there will be times where I am being Dominated by another person, but even in those times, Master’s word is law. He may step in and interrupt, end, or give advice on any scene, at any time. His word trumps everyone else’s.
  7. To receive pleasure I must earn it. I am granted to cum as I please in most circumstances, but I am to ask for permission anyway if Master is there with me.
  8. I trust Master. I trust his skill, his concern for my safety, my emotional, psychological, social, sexual and physical heath. If at any point I find that I do not trust Master in all of these areas, I am to bring my concerns to him. This relationship is built on honesty and trust and if one of those things fails, the entire relationship is at risk of failure.
  9. I must always give thanks to Master for all I am given, immediately after receiving what he has given me. This includes gifts, privileges and punishments and of course, gifts.
  10. I will confess any transgressions I may have made to Master and he will decide if such violations require punishment. I must accept whatever decision he makes and thank him for his choice.
  11. Crying and the shedding of tears is not a sign of weakness. My tears soften my will and bond me closer to Master. I am not to hide in shame when I cry. (Still a hard one for me, even after years of being dedicated to him. I just hate how I look and how vulnerable I am when I cry in front of someone, especially Master.)
  12. It is important for me to eat properly and make sure that I am drinking enough fluid, especially with the workout routines Master and I follow. I am permitted to choose how I wish to nourish my body and mind, so long as I keep track of it. If at any point I start complaining about my body image, Master will step in and order me as he sees fit (be that extra workouts, a stricter diet, and/or requests to get checked out by professionals.) I want (and Master wants) me to be healthy and sound mind and body, free as possible of any personal limitations, so that I may live a long, full life.
  13. I will always listen with interest in whatever my Master has to say during my training. I want to learn all that I can from Him so I can understand more about Him, about me, about the bdsm scene and community, and those involved in bdsm relationships – so I may be able to better understand the world I am apart of and be able to communicate it accurately to anyone who wishes to know more about it. When I find myself bored with whatever topic Master is discussing, I may speak up, but I understand that this means I might be given a longer lecture so that I can better understand what Master is talking about.
  14. I will periodically examine my whole life and look for how it has changed as a result of my relationship to my Master. I will speak to my Master about those areas where there have been improvements and those areas where I comfortable, insecure, or unsure of what direction I should take, how I should behave, or how I can behave in a manner that is different than how I have been behaving in the past. I do this anyway on my own, but Master has requested that I communicate my thoughts and feelings with him whenever I do this. This helps keep the communication open and gives me a chance to see myself and my life through different eyes.
  15. I will obey the spirit of the law not just the letter of the law. (For example, if Master says not to run with scissors, I will not attempt to skip with them either.) Another thing I still struggle with even years after being submissive to Master.
  16. My health is important to Master. I am to make regular doctor and dentist appointments for our family to ensure that we stay in the best health possible.
  17. I am never allowed to eat at my desk unless given explicit permission from Master. I am also not to keep snacks, candies or other foods at or around my desk. This is to help prevent me from unhealthy snacking habits. If I am hungry, I am to eat at the table. I swear to god I break this one more often than I’d like to admit. Master is _currently_ working on a better punishment for me for this one. At the moment it’s “20 push ups when caught, 10 if I admit to it before Master finds out.”

MONEY

  1. I will be given a weekly allowance that I am allowed to spend however I choose. This is the only money that is truly mine to spend however I please. If I am buying gifts for the family, for birthdays, holidays or other reasons, I am to ask Master if he wishes for me to use my allowance or if he will pay for the items requested. My weekly allowance is $100 and is based on behavior and tasks completed. I can spend this money as I see fit, within reason (no buying cigarettes, no buying excessive amounts of Starbucks — I used to not be allowed ANY Starbucks, Master has since changed that though — and no handing off the money to random homeless people begging for money. If I want to donate money, I am to donate to an actual charity where I can be sure the money goes to good use — which also means I must research that charity first.)
  2. I am not allowed to transfer funds from one account to another without Master’s express permission. Taking money out of one account and putting into my personal account without permission is one of the worst betrayals of trust that I could ever possibly commit against Master. It will ensure a severe punishment and the loss of my allowance until the debt is paid back, however long that takes as well as other forms of punishment Master feels are necessary.
  3. Before I go shopping I am to tell Master of my plans, what I intend to buy, how much it will cost and provide a shopping list for Master to go over. Master will add to or take away from this list as he sees fit. He will decide if the money requested is enough or too much to cover my expenses.
  4. If I dip into my allowance to cover the cost of anything bought while buying household items, Master will reimburse me at his discretion. If I don’t want to (or cannot) use my allowance to cover the cost of items needed, I am to put back whatever items I do not need so that the amount of  purchases is covered by my available budget, or what is left of that budget.
  5. When shopping with money that Master has given me for household items, gifts, clothing, or anything else I am to provide receipts whenever requested. I am not permitted to waste money on frilly things we do not need. Large purchases, or desired “frilly items” are to be run by Master before I purchase them.
  6. Allowance for the children will be paid by Master, through me. He gives me the money to pay the girls and I decide how much of that money they have earned. Extras go into a safe where I can pull more as they earn it.
  7. Master is in charge of the major bank accounts. I have access to our joint savings, our joint checking and the billing account. I am not to spend money out of any of these accounts without Master’s permission. Master is training me to learn to deal with financial situations so that I stop panicking about every little penny or swinging in the other direction and spending money without thinking about it first. While Master makes more than enough for us to live off of comfortable, it would not help anyone if I spend faster than he earns. (Which I used to do). My job, when it comes to finances, is to let him know what bills are due, the amount that is owed and then pay each bill when requested to do so. I am in charge of making sure the household has enough food and other consumables available each week. I am to let Master know if larger purchases or “one time” purchases (such as curtains) need to be made, how much I estimate them to cost and if permitted to purchase them, how much they actually cost. Master is not treating me like a child by keeping a tight fist around our finances, he’s simply trying to teach me to be financially responsible.

DAILY TASKS and ROUTINES

Master will give me a list of tasks that are to be completed by the end of each day,  though there are days where Master is not certain of what needs to be done or will simply ask “What’s on your task list for today”. I am to follow his list, make my own or a combination of both before he comes home from work (or before bed time for days that he works from home.)  These tasks will vary depending on what Master thinks needs to be done. We will discuss my Task List each day. I am to do my very best to finish all of these chores and manage my time wisely. If I choose to take a break from chores, this is fine, as long as they are still completed by the end of the day. The most important chore each day is for me to workout. I am not to skip a single workout without Master’s express permission. Aside from items on the daily task list I am to do the following every day, without question:

  1. Workout for at least 30 minutes a day. No exceptions unless Master expressly gives them. He will decide if and when I am too ill, too tired or too busy to complete my workouts.
  2. Make a healthy dinner for the family from scratch, or at least make sure that whatever meal is provided (like on Pizza Night) has healthy sides and is a balanced nutritional meal for everyone partaking of it. I must strive to not make too much or too little (a challenge with teenagers and roommates, but important anyway). Master will inform me if we are going out to eat instead or if we will have guests over for dinner so that I may plan accordingly.
  3. On school days wake at least 30 minutes earlier than the children so that I can ensure they are up on time, fed and ready for school without having to go through the morning rush we used to endure daily.
  4. I am to keep a schedule of everyone’s activities and update it often. It is my job to ensure that this house runs smoothly and that everyone gets to their appointments on time and safely.
  5. At least once a week (preferably on the weekends) I am to make a hot cooked meal for breakfast. This does not include such dishes as oatmeal or grits (unless I make grits with bacon, eggs, biscuits and pancakes).
  6. Bed time on weeknights is 2AM. On weekends bedtime is 4AM. Unless otherwise directed by Master. (Birthdays, special events, and times where we have planned to be out or awake all night are special circumstances and will be dealt with on a “at the time” basis.)
  7. Every night I must ask permission to sleep in the bed. If Master is out of town, or working late, I must call or message him and ask for permission to sleep in the bed. Even if Master is not at home, I am to be on my knees when asking permission to sleep in the bed. This is to help remind me that everything, even the place I sleep is given to me by Master. It also helps give me time to remember who is in charge — Side note: I find it interesting that I need this reminder, especially since this relationship was my idea, but I agree that I have a stubborn “bratty” side that likes to play at pretending I’m in charge… it doesn’t usually workout well for me. :P
  8. In addition to the rule above:
    Every morning I am to get on my knees, by Master’s side of the bed and thank him for allowing me to use the bed. If Master is not home, I am to call or text him my gratitude for letting me use the bed. If Master is sleeping in, sick or on a different sleep schedule that I am on, it is fine to thank him later during the day, just as long as I don’t forget. Punishment for forgetting is changed up and creative. (For example: if I’ve forgotten to thank him on a morning he and I wake at the same time, he may call me into his office and have me kneel for 10 minutes while balancing water on my head or something silly, just a reminder to focus on what needs to be done… it’s silly but it works, and if I spill that water…. well more creative punishments are given.)
  9. In the evening, when Master arrives home from work, I am to make my best effort to greet him by the door in the slave position (position 1 — on my knees, hands on my thighs or behind my back, head bent in submission). I am to wait for permission to stand up after being greeted by Master. (Usually Master doesn’t have me wait long, he knows that this is still a tough position to be in due to the fact that my knees like to remind me that I’m not 17 anymore. If Master is upset with me, he may ignore me for a bit before discussing whatever I’ve done to upset him — while I’m in the slave position — before allowing me to get up.
  10. Write at least 6 out of 7 days a week. I do not have to publish what I write in blog form, but I must make a point to write for at least half an hour each day. This helps keep my creativity fresh in my mind and allows me to jot down whatever is bugging me, whatever plot I randomly come up with and record “book/blog ideas” without forgetting about them easily. It is a creative outlet that is important to Master. My goal and his goal for me is to publish at least one book before I am 35 (I have four years as of today, March 19, 2014). My hope is that I complete this task much sooner.

CLEANING
Master prefers to have a neat and tidy house. It helps ease his mind, keep him (and I) focused and allows us to always be prepared for company without a mad dash to tidy up. 

  1. The kitchen counters are to be cleaned off, the dishwasher loaded and running (if needed) and the sinks empty, every night before my bed time. Punishment for not completing this task is that I have to stay up later to do these things and I am not permitted to use modern technology to help with my chores (no dishwasher, music while I work, etc.) There are, or course, nights where this does not happen and I simply am too tired, too sick or even not home to ensure this task is completed. Master will address each of these issues as they arise, and administer punishments further (if needed) as he sees fit. Just as if I am sick (or it’s my birthday/special event) he will tell me that it is not necessary and the task can wait til the following day.
  2. I am to ensure that Master always has clean, folded laundry put away properly in his drawers and a dry, clean towel in the bathroom for drying himself off with.
  3. Vacuuming is to be done on odd days of the month. Every odd day, including the 31st and then again on the 1st of the month.
  4. Steam cleaning high traffic carpeted areas should be done twice a week or more if needed.
  5. Sweeping and mopping of high traffic areas (the kitchen, the dining room, and the Florida room) is to be done daily.
  6. Mopping of the above listed areas should be done as needed, no less than three times a week.
  7. Sweeping and mopping of low traffic area can be done once a week, no less.
  8. Delegating children to do some chores is fine, but I am ultimately responsible for the housework and need to make sure that all chores are done well and in a timely manner.

SEX  – Between Master and I, and a little insight into sex with other partners:

  1. When Master instructs me to suck his cock, I will do so vigorously for as long as he requires me to do so, without complaint. He does not ask this of me often because he actually prefers hand jobs, but I am to comply whenever he does ask for a blow job instead. For “oral training” (learning to deep throat) I am permitting to be trained by other Doms if I so choose (I’ll have to blog this one better. It goes with the open relationship status. In short though — each time I submit to another male, the contract between that person and I is slightly different. I’ve said before that a BDSM relationship is as different as the people involved in it. Different men will like different things, and of course, I have limits as well.)
  2. Master’s cum must never go to waste. I will swallow all of it and then thank him for his gift.
  3. I am to keep my pussy shaved or waxed for Master. I am permitted to leave a landing strip, or have my hair waxed into the shape of a heart or whatever design tickles my fancy, but I must keep it trim and neat looking at all times. I do not have to shave and should not get waxed when on my monthly. (I’m more sensitive in that area and not in a pleasurable way when I’m menstruating — TMI, I know, sorry.)
  4. Sex with Master is not a choice. ((Okay, let me break here and give an overly detailed disclosure before the super new to BDSM freak out on this rule. This lifestyle IS a choice. I am not actually forced into anything here, however I have asked for and agreed to all of these rules. While BDSM may be a fantasy we play at and I am not actually a slave to a Master, part of the fantasy is to keep the fantasy in tact. If I ever, ever, feel that I can not participate in sex, I am to inform Master and give him my reasons. He will decide if we will have sex anyway, but he always takes my thoughts, feelings and emotions into consideration before making a decision.))That being said back to the rule —
    My body is his to do with as he pleases. My orgasms are under his control. I will be ready whenever and where ever Master wants to use my body. I will ask for permission to orgasm and respect Master’s decision.
  5. I am not permitted to masturbate without permission from Master, or permission from whatever Dom I am playing with (which Master grants to that person before hand anyway…)
  6. I may at any time offer my body to Master in hope that he will take pleasure in using it however he wishes.

SEX  – With Other Partners

  1. I am to provide proof that I have recently (within the last year) been tested and am cleared for sexual activity, free of STDs, etc. The same is required from anyone Master and I play with BEFORE any “playing” can be done!
  2. ALL play partners must be approved by Master. There are times where I am at a club and cannot get in touch with Master first. At these times I am to use my judgement before playing and must report back to Master whatever activities I engaged in.
  3. I am permitted to play with male or female, Dom/me or sub, but I am to keep my wits about me and not give in to hormones without thinking things through.
  4. Any and all questions asked about sexual activity (be it online, via video, chat or in person) will be answered with complete honesty. This goes for both Master and I. The example given is “If you don’t want to know if the other partner is better than you are, don’t ask.” At the same time, if asked for graphic detail (something that turns both Master and I on) give graphic detail. At times Master may require that I blog my experience so that my readers and fans can enjoy my story as well, though I am to change names and places to keep the identity of any and all partners safe and hidden. (Not everyone we play with is ready to “come out of the kinky closet” or in a job that doesn’t care what they do behind closed doors. Even if given permission to use someone’s name, I am to change it anyway. It is the honorable thing to do. — The exception is if I have explicit written permission to use names, places and details from whatever person played with.)
  5. As stated somewhere above (I can’t remember where, lol) Master always has veto power, always has a right to step in and advise, stop or participate in play if he is around during whatever scene I’m in with someone else. I, however, must ask permission and never interrupt a scene between Master and another girl (he’s straight, I’m bi) unless there is an emergency, or it is PART of that scene and has been planned out before hand.
  6. This section is still a work in progress (more so than the rest of my rules) because we are still very new at this whole “open relationship” thing. We have been “open” for nearly two years now, but only recently have I felt confident enough in my body image, self image and sexual desires to act on this.
  7. If at ANY TIME either Master or I no longer feel comfortable enough to be in an open relationship. we are to step back, close the relationship back up and discuss what is going on. This may take days, this may take years, however long it takes. The relationship between Master and I must, and I repeat must come first. I am dedicated, devoted, committed and submissive to HIM above all others. He is dedicated, devoted, committed and Dominant to me first. This means that if Person C asks either Master or I to do something we KNOW would make Master or I uncomfortable, then we simply do not comply with Person C.
  8. When looking for play partners we are looking for someone to compliment not compete with the relationship that Master and I have.

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7 thoughts on “Updated Rules

  1. Cynthia Serratos March 19, 2014 at 3:39 PM Reply

    Hi i just read ur rule on open relationships how did u venture into this im afraid im too territorial and jealous

    • autumn March 21, 2014 at 11:40 PM Reply

      I forgot to answer this question in the Open Relationship post! I’ll answer it here and then edit it there.

      I have NEVER been monogamous. I’ve tried in the past, but even a quick look at my track history (pretty much one guy to the next, very few breaks in between) suggests that I’ve never really stayed committed to just one long enough for any real benefit. After my last marriage failed (he cheated on me) I realized that I wasn’t really interested in the normal version of marriage. No way did I want to feel trapped in a relationship where I was committed to being with only one person forever. That’s part of the reason that Master and I originally never planned on marrying. Neither of us wanted to feel “tied down” to just one person for the rest of our lives. I go into more detail about this in the blog post I wrote tonight: http://servingmaster.com/2014/03/21/open-relationships/

  2. Terry March 19, 2014 at 8:51 PM Reply

    Your relationship seems to deserve this level of dedication – Brava for you! I can only wish that mine would concern himself with me that much – I’m envious and jealous!

  3. LPM March 21, 2014 at 5:54 AM Reply

    I’ve been secretly reading for a while now. Your blog is wonderful & so open. Thank you for sharing so much! I absolutely love reading & learning.
    LPM

  4. LPM March 21, 2014 at 7:03 AM Reply

    I have been reading quietly for a while now. Thank you for being so open and allowing us to see into your life. I love your blog and have learned much, as well.
    LPM

  5. lidsamy March 21, 2014 at 11:31 PM Reply

    I hate rules 7 & 8 re: sleeping. Deal breaker for me. And that was right out of the shoot.

    • autumn March 21, 2014 at 11:33 PM Reply

      Haha, well that’s why every BDSM relationship is different :P I don’t mind them so much, but I know a few of the ones you’ve had in the past would be deal breakers for me!!

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