Serving Master

“I never want to give you a back massage!” Master said during a particularly heated argument. “But I do it because it benefits you. Isn’t there anything you don’t enjoy doing that you do anyway because I like it?” He asks. Frustrated I just stomped away, in tears, hurt and angry. I don’t even want to admit that he got me thinking about things I do for him that I can’t really stand doing, like cleaning, though I benefit from that too.

I absolutely love back massages, I could orgasm off of them. It’s a different kind of orgasm, but all the same. My body, mind and emotional side are in pure bliss when Master massages my back. In my opinion, they are never long enough (even if he’s massaged my back for an hour or more!). I feel like a cat laying in the warm sun when I am getting a massage and I swear I purr. So to hear that Master doesn’t enjoy giving them, really hurt. But after throwing a mild temper tantrum and then sitting down and thinking it through, I can understand where he’s coming from.

So what is it that I do for him, that I really, honestly can’t stand doing? Sex. Vanilla sex to be specific. I hate it. I find myself making grocery lists, going through to-do lists and writing future blog posts in my head instead of concentrating on whatever Master is doing beneath the sheets. I know that’s probably a pretty terrible thing for me to say. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE sex with Master, but it’s the kinky sex that gets me going, gets me off and keeps me focused on only him. Vanilla sex just doesn’t do it for me. I know I’m not alone in this, a lot of my fans have voiced that they feel the same way.

If there isn’t any foreplay, I don’t want to play at all. With two preteen daughters, a full schedule, a new puppy and a laundry list of things to get done every day I don’t have the time to really be picky. Setting up a scene takes at least half an hour sometimes a full hour. Then dropping into subspace during the scene, both of us getting off multiple times and after care takes another three to four hours minimum. We just don’t have that kind of time every day. (Much as I wish we did!)

A normal week consists of Master and I have sex at least once a day. Part of the issue is the medication I am on for borderline personality disorder. It completely and totally kills my libido :( It’s hard for me to get off no matter how perfect the scene is sometimes. This does nothing for my depression, so “Ask doc for new meds” is on my list for my next therapy appointment.

As a slave, I only have the privilege of cumming if Master grants it to me, but it’s one thing to willingly hold back, and quite another to have nothing to hold back. This has lead to some fairly creative ways of getting Master off, and ways to please me that may or may not include sex.

One of the rules in this house (unspoken rules) is that Master gets off before bed every night. Seriously, every night. I used to be the reason he got off. We would fuck like rabbits until we were exhausted, sweaty and sated. But when my medicine was switched and my libido dropped, I found it easier and easier to just jerk him off, or blow him until he came. I stopped caring about my own orgasm. I knew it should bother me on some level but it didn’t bother me enough to do anything about it.

Last week everything changed. Master set up a scene, the kids were going to be out of the house for several hours and we could enjoy a nice LONG session. We only get to enjoy those about once or twice a month. Everything was absolutely perfect. Master bought new toys for the occasion, the house was clean (something I need to have done in order to clear my head better) dinner was put away, I even triple checked that the oven was off and I hadn’t used it that night.

But I could not drop into sub-space for the life of me. Something was off, and I couldn’t figure it out. We tried, we really, really tried, but it just wasn’t happening for me. Feeling like a failure I cried my eyes out while Master just held me. I reflected on the stresses in my life and recent conversations with friends, trying to pinpoint what the hell was keeping me from that white hot orgasmic level that I’ve come to love so much.

The next day, I confided in a friend about how miserably our scene had gone and she had the wisdom to ask when I’d taken my meds (she and I are on the same thing for the same reasons). It clicked. I turned and told Master her theory and could almost see the light bulb come on for him as well. Of course it was the meds. We thought back to every time we’ve done a scene before and realized that I had either NOT taken my meds that day, or that I’d taken them HOURS before we started.

I know that medicine is not something that I can give up completely just yet. I also know that there will always be things in life that get in the way of our sex life. There will be things that I enjoy doing that Master hates, and things that he enjoys doing that I hate. That’s just part of life, it’s full of distractions and disappointments. Part of the adventure is figuring out what works and what doesn’t and when those things work and when they don’t.

One thing that keeps me going is remembering that if it wasn’t for the rain, we’d never enjoy the sun. The mishaps, fumbles and frustrations are what help make the mind blowing, white hot, orgasmic sex so amazing instead of mundane and every day.

Master and I don’t scene daily, but part of being 24/7 M/s is taking the control and orders out of the bedroom. Honestly, if it wasn’t for that, I don’t think we would have made it this far. If our marriage was based on super sex, we’d have broken it off years ago. Our marriage is a happy mix of ups and downs, amazing sex and not so great sex, times of tears and times of laughter. It isn’t perfect, it isn’t unreal, it’s just us. As unique and crazy as Master and I are individually.

Blend in two kids, two dogs and a cat and you have the recipe for our “perfect” life. I write this because I have a few readers who constantly tell me they are jealous of how great we have it. We make it great. It wasn’t handed to us that way. The reason Master and I have an awesome, admirable relationship is because we both work at it, we communicate often and we’re honest with each other about it.

So what thins do you do for your partner that you could live without, but you do anyway because it pleases them? Those are the things that make your relationship great. <3

Until Next Time,
–Autumn