Tag Archives: Collaring Ceremony

A Variety of Styles

Collars-Post-8-29

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret… I own at least 20 different collars. I am not one for sticking with the same style, or wearing the same necklace/collar/ornament every single day. I tried, really I did. But I would forget to put it on, or I would forget to take it off before getting in the pool (and let me tell you, sterling silver and chlorine do NOT mix!). I can’t even remember to put on my wedding bands half the time. Thankfully, I have a little sticky note that says “I do” posted on my mirror, or I’d forget to put them back on after every shower. (I also have to take them off when I sleep or do the dishes).

love the vast collection of collars I have. I love that I have one super soft leather collar for when Master wants to use it on me like a dog collar. I love that one of them actually is a dog collar. I like the feel of the cold medal against my skin when I wear the little sterling silver bow necklace Master got me as one of the “first steps” into the BDSM lifestyle. I like the “click” the Tiffany and Company lock makes on my first “real” collar when I wear that one. I love the actual lock on the sturdy stainless steel collar that requires a special screwdriver to undo. I love them all, and each one is special to me.

Most of all though, I like the variety. I like being able to dress up or down or go jogging and always have an option of what collar I wear today. But even with all of these options, I often forget to put one on! This is why Master and I decided a tattoo would be best for me. It is his “official” mark on me, and it’s not overly obnoxious either. In fact, it’s on my back, between my shoulder blades, most of the time I can’t even see it (at least not without a mirror or some super creative stretching).

I designed it myself, it took me forever to complete, especially since I can’t really draw worth crap and yet I’m a perfectionist! I decided on a butterfly to symbolize me and how much I’ve changed and Chinese characters as the center/body of the butterfly to symbolize Master being the center of my universe. The Chinese characters mean “Love Slave” (because apparently “Sex slave” is associated with child-pornography rings in some Asian countries and I wanted nothing to do with that!)

There is nothing wrong with desiring the collar, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be collared. Both of which are beautiful things. We (the BDSM community) even have ceremonies to celebrate the collaring of a submissive by her Dominant. It’s very heartfelt and beautiful. And some people only want and/or use one collar. My point in telling you all of this, is to remind you that collars, by themselves, are just pretty decorations that symbolize the relationship you have. Much like the wedding, they are only part of the story, they do not define the entire relationship by themselves. Some of the ones I have are also vanilla so to anyone else they look like just a pretty necklace, but only others involved in this lifestyle would possibly be able to see them for what they are. It is the meaning behind them that matters to me, not the particular style of the collar, nor the amount that I have.

Another reason I bring up the symbolism of collaring is that it is important to keep in mind that in this economy, not everyone can afford that “perfect” collar. Add to that allergies to certain medals, or a sheer hate for anything around your neck, or even the inability to wear jewelry at work and you have quite a lot of people who are hardcore BDSM kinksters but can’t do the collar thing. When it comes time to pick out collars, or even before that, when the topic comes up, keep in mind that this is a symbol of the bond you share with your partner. It can not play the role of a bandage to cover up bad bondage and make everything seem okay, it will not make a bad relationship better. Cherish the symbolism of a collar, yes, but don’t forget that it is just symbolism. It’s up to you and your partner to make the relationship work. Over the course of time that you are together, it probably won’t be the only collar you wind up having either. After all, novelty and variety go hand in hand.

I love my collars. All of them. And I am constantly on the lookout for more.

–Autumn

Collars

A collar, in the BDSM sense of the word, is the equivalent to a wedding band in the vanilla world. It means that the person wearing the collar is committed to serving their owner (the person or people who gave the collar) for life or until they are uncollared (for whatever reason).

Putting a “permanent” collar on someone means that you are promising to provide for that person, you are promising to protect them and the gift of submission that they have given you. There are couples who only use a collar in the bedroom or to signify that “play time” has begun and then remove the collar at the end of each session. Those are fun too, but these are not considered “permanent” collars.

Like wedding ceremonies, many people have collaring ceremonies. Usually the slave (or sub) is not wearing anything, or is wearing very little and instead of standing next to her Master, she kneels beside him.

In a collaring ceremony, you sign the Master/slave contract. The final draft, not the first one you ever came up with. Please understand that there should ALWAYS be a negotiation period before the signing of any contract. (Usually at least 30 days). This way you have plenty of time to think through what is being asked of you and what is being promised by the other person(s) before you sign your name to the dotted line.

There are many, many, many different types of collars out there. You have everything from “just a necklace that doesn’t lock but means just as much as the next person’s collar” to tattoos, to leather collars that cover the entire neck and even just a string tied around someone’s neck.

Some people opt for several collars instead of just one they wear 24/7. Master and I decided that several collars fit our lifestyle better than just one collar that I never take off.

I have five collars right now that I wear at different times. My favorite (and most valuable collar) is the first one that Master ever bought me. It is the collar we plan on using for our collaring ceremony (the contract is already signed, but we didn’t have a ceremony and we both plan on doing this sometime in the future)

A year after Master and I started dating and dabbling in BDSM he decided it was high time he put a collar around my neck. The problem was that I was working at the time and could not wear anything that actually looked like a collar. We spent several months looking at different options and stores and ideas before settling on one from Tiffany & Co. It does not lock, but that wasn’t as important to us as the significance behind the idea.

Since then he has bought me several other collars (two for wearing when I’m too casual for a T&C collar around my neck, one for use in the bedroom when he wants to be rougher with me and one that he got at the pet store when I was being particularly bratty – it’s itchy and used as a constant reminder that I am owned and his and I best remember that). I do not wear a collar to sleep in (not always anyway, and when I do it’s usually one of the leather ones) I do not wear a collar in the shower or when swimming (leather and sterling silver are terrible things to wear while swimming!) and I always have a copy of the key on me when wearing a locked collar (for emergencies).

Wearing Master’s collar reminds me that I am owned, that every action I make reflects on him, and that I not only chose to participate in this lifestyle but that I enjoy it. It is as important to me as my wedding band, if not more so. It reminds me of my role in this relationship and the devotion that Master has for me (and I for him).

For those of you looking for the “perfect” collar, I would suggest you stop. Just find one that suits your needs right now. The perfect collar doesn’t exist and the more you search, the more frustrated you will become. As much as I love my Tiffany collar, I can’t wear it when working out and sleeping in it causes it to tarnish faster than usual (I use Weiman Silver Cream to clean it, in case anyone is wondering. It’s cheaper and more effective than the stuff they sell at jewelry counters. You can find it for under $4 on the cleaning products isle at Walmart. It’s main use is cleaning sterling silver dinnerware. I figure, if it’s tough enough for forks and knives and gentle enough for sterling silver, it’s perfect for my collar).

If you have any questions please feel free to ask, or if I’ve forgotten some important tip about collars here let me know in the comment section.

–Autumn

PS I’m currently working on a blog post about my rules and the slave contract I signed when I was collared. Hopefully this post will be posted by the end of this week. I also plan on setting a permanent link on my blog to my rules.

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