I’m going to let you all in on a little secret… I own at least 20 different collars. I am not one for sticking with the same style, or wearing the same necklace/collar/ornament every single day. I tried, really I did. But I would forget to put it on, or I would forget to take it off before getting in the pool (and let me tell you, sterling silver and chlorine do NOT mix!). I can’t even remember to put on my wedding bands half the time. Thankfully, I have a little sticky note that says “I do” posted on my mirror, or I’d forget to put them back on after every shower. (I also have to take them off when I sleep or do the dishes).
I love the vast collection of collars I have. I love that I have one super soft leather collar for when Master wants to use it on me like a dog collar. I love that one of them actually is a dog collar. I like the feel of the cold medal against my skin when I wear the little sterling silver bow necklace Master got me as one of the “first steps” into the BDSM lifestyle. I like the “click” the Tiffany and Company lock makes on my first “real” collar when I wear that one. I love the actual lock on the sturdy stainless steel collar that requires a special screwdriver to undo. I love them all, and each one is special to me.
Most of all though, I like the variety. I like being able to dress up or down or go jogging and always have an option of what collar I wear today. But even with all of these options, I often forget to put one on! This is why Master and I decided a tattoo would be best for me. It is his “official” mark on me, and it’s not overly obnoxious either. In fact, it’s on my back, between my shoulder blades, most of the time I can’t even see it (at least not without a mirror or some super creative stretching).
I designed it myself, it took me forever to complete, especially since I can’t really draw worth crap and yet I’m a perfectionist! I decided on a butterfly to symbolize me and how much I’ve changed and Chinese characters as the center/body of the butterfly to symbolize Master being the center of my universe. The Chinese characters mean “Love Slave” (because apparently “Sex slave” is associated with child-pornography rings in some Asian countries and I wanted nothing to do with that!)
There is nothing wrong with desiring the collar, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be collared. Both of which are beautiful things. We (the BDSM community) even have ceremonies to celebrate the collaring of a submissive by her Dominant. It’s very heartfelt and beautiful. And some people only want and/or use one collar. My point in telling you all of this, is to remind you that collars, by themselves, are just pretty decorations that symbolize the relationship you have. Much like the wedding, they are only part of the story, they do not define the entire relationship by themselves. Some of the ones I have are also vanilla so to anyone else they look like just a pretty necklace, but only others involved in this lifestyle would possibly be able to see them for what they are. It is the meaning behind them that matters to me, not the particular style of the collar, nor the amount that I have.
Another reason I bring up the symbolism of collaring is that it is important to keep in mind that in this economy, not everyone can afford that “perfect” collar. Add to that allergies to certain medals, or a sheer hate for anything around your neck, or even the inability to wear jewelry at work and you have quite a lot of people who are hardcore BDSM kinksters but can’t do the collar thing. When it comes time to pick out collars, or even before that, when the topic comes up, keep in mind that this is a symbol of the bond you share with your partner. It can not play the role of a bandage to cover up bad bondage and make everything seem okay, it will not make a bad relationship better. Cherish the symbolism of a collar, yes, but don’t forget that it is just symbolism. It’s up to you and your partner to make the relationship work. Over the course of time that you are together, it probably won’t be the only collar you wind up having either. After all, novelty and variety go hand in hand.
I love my collars. All of them. And I am constantly on the lookout for more.