Tag Archives: masochism

Pleasure in the Pain

BDSM Basics, Explaining BDSM November 5, 2012 Comments: 7

What is it about this relationship that makes me crave the punishments when I’m bad, or the pain mingled with pleasure before, during and after sex? Why am I perfectly content when on my knees in front of another person? Is there something wrong with me? How messed up does a person have to be to want to be categorized as a “slave” and “owned” by someone else?

These questions pestered me a lot when Master and I first started experimenting with BDSM. They still pop up every now and then, though not as frequently. I have a few friends who still struggle with this though and it got me thinking it was high time I addressed these feelings in a blog post.

Let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with wanting to be dominated, or wanting to dominate for that matter. It’s only wrong when it is forced upon unwilling parties. If you want to be dominated, but aren’t getting it so you resort to name-calling, pushing buttons you have no business messing with and out-right pissing someone off on purpose (far beyond normal teasing) just to get a reaction out of the other person, then you are manipulating the situation. That’s wrong. We call that topping from the bottom when it’s applied to a BDSM relationship. We call it abuse when it’s tied to a vanilla relationship.

In the same respect, if you are dominating, controlling and ordering around someone who has not agreed to be in that kind of relationship, you’re in the wrong as well. Manipulation on someone who hasn’t agreed to it before hand should never be a part of the BDSM relationship, and it really shouldn’t be a part of a vanilla relationship.

So what then, makes us submissives enjoy crawling on our knees to our Dom and us masochists begging for pain from a sadist? It’s simple really, we desire security in our relationship. Being punished when we act up is a sure fire way to remind us of our roles. It reinforces the knowledge that the Dom/me is in charge and we are not.

So when you feel yourself ready to lash-out and say things you don’t really mean, or act in a way that requires a strong hand to remind you of your place, stop. Take a minute to think about why you want to act out. Dom/mes and sadists need reassurance of their roles too, they’re usually pretty receptive if you ask for a session, extra pain and/or a reminder of your roll.

After all, we came into these roles willingly. If you’re going to start manipulating the relationship, you don’t really care about the other person, you only care about yourself. Dom/mes are in their position because we trust them to have the power over us, and they trust us to be honest and loyal in our service to them.

If you find yourself asking the questions posted at the beginning of this post, don’t fret. Just understand that you are perfectly normal in your desire to know exactly where in the relationship you stand.

 

Satisfaction

submission November 4, 2012 Comments: 8

 

“Suck” he demanded as he shoved his thumb into my mouth. Eagerly I submitted, pulling, sucking and licking his thumb like it was his cock in my mouth. He wound his other hand into my hair, twisting the strands around his fingers and tugging to pull me into the position he wanted me in. I sank back, my ass sitting firmly in the hold of my feet, my hands face up on my thighs.

Standing in front of me, he pulls his thumb from my mouth, lingering on my slightly swollen lips before reaching down and pinching my nipple. The sensation makes me want to both pull back to increase the pain and pleasure and surge forward to breathe in more of him.

Master reaches over to the bed and pulls off the riding crop. “I see you laid these out just as I asked. Good girl.” My pussy clenches at those words. It means I have pleased him, which pleases me and gets me wet.

The world around us slowly disappears from my mind. There is nothing and no one other than Master and I in this moment. Guiding me by my hair, Master pulls me to my feet and bends me over the bed. My body tingles with anticipation. Sub-space starts to invade my mind, settling quietly like a security blanket for my soul. I inhale deeply, breathing in the scents around me. The fresh, crisp smell of Master’s body wash still lingering on his skin. The soft leather of the collar around my neck. The intoxicating scent of freshly cleaned sheets and blankets.

I concentrate on the sound of the fan above the bed, the slight ticking of the pulls against the glass of the bulb keep a steady rhythm in my head. I hear the swish of the riding crop just before I feel its sting across my back. I gasp as pure pleasure flows from the stinging mark on my back. Images of liquid gold spreading warmly over my skin flow into my mind. I push my body into the next blow of the crop, moaning as the sensations over take me.

Master uses his other hand to roughly massage random areas of my body, distracting me from where the next blow might lay. He massages my thigh and then smacks my shoulder, rubs my calves as he attacks my ass. He moves over me and I know he is picking his next tool. WHACK! The feeling of a leather clad paddle burns across my ass causing me to cry out and grab the sheets beneath me for support.

Tears sting my eyes as Master delivers blow after blow. I feel, see and smell nothing but the pain surging over my skin and into my bones. Just as quickly as he began, Master stops. I relax and breathe, choking back more tears and concentrating on the pain radiating from the fresh welts on my back, thighs and ass.

Master leans down and whispers his love for me in my ear. He tells me what a good little slut I am and how sexy my skin is when it reddens up for him. His other hand rubs the welts he’s caused, bringing pleasure and pain to the brink of my being.

His hand slides down my back and over my ass just before he slips two fingers into my drenching wet pussy. Finger pumping me, he never stops talking of his love for me. “You’re such a good girl. You respond so well to everything I give you. Do you feel how wet you are for me, slut? You’re dripping down your legs. You love the pain Master gives you don’t you?”

I’m not sure if I’m responding with anything more than guts and groans and mingled moaning, all I know is that I do not want him to stop fingering me. No sooner does that thought cross my mind than Master is pulling his fingers from me, wet and glistening with my juices.

Master flips me over onto my back and shoves me further up on the bed. My body protests at having to lay on my new marks but my mind twists the feelings of pain into pleasure and I relish it, wanting more.

“Mmmm you’re such a glutton for pain aren’t you, slut?” Master asks. I nod enthusiastically at him and he smiles my favorite sadistic smile and grabs my breasts, squeezing and twisting. I arch my back and close my eyes, crying out in ecstasy. I’m so wet between my legs that Master easily slips himself into my awaiting cunt, filling and splitting me all the way to my core.

Quickly we find a rhythm that has him slamming into me and my hips reaching up into him. My hair is pulled, my boobs are bit, my wrists locked onto the mattress beneath us, my mind can’t keep up with all the sensations going on. I feel my orgasm building, breaking over me in small waves and working up towards uncontrollable.

“Cum, slut, cum for me!” Master roars and I scream out as the orgasm grabs hold and spins me out of control. I reach heights I can’t remember reaching before, rolling with the pleasure, pushing my body up to meet his with greater anticipation of the next burst of the orgasm until finally I have nothing left to give. I feel as though I am falling just short of whatever my goal was and a sadness starts to sweep over me. Before it can grab hold though, Master reaches down and rolls my clit between his fingers, pinching it slightly and sending me straight back over the edge.

He thrusts deeply into my pussy, all the way to the hilt and holds himself there as he spills his seed into my womb. Vaguely I register his body falling on top of mine, spent and sated as much as I am. “You are mine” he whispers, laying light kisses on my dampened skin. “I own you and I love you”

I feel myself coming out of subspace. The feelings of sadness are lingering just on the outside of my mind, but his words chase them away. I am secure in my role with Master and I can sleep contentedly because I am not worried about where I stand. “I love you, Master” I whisper, just before I drift off to sleep in his arms.

–Autumn

Fifty Shades of Pissed Off

submission April 11, 2012 Comments: 4

 

 

I should really finish a series before giving my view on the entire thing. Unfortunately I jumped the gun a bit in my last post Fifty Shades of Annoyed. I stupidly assumed that every book in the series would be as well written and well thought out as the first book. I was sorely mistaken.
I wish that I could pop into the mind of Ms. James while she wrote books two and three of the series. I wish I could understand what (if any) BDSM history she personally has.
Let me first start by explaining the difference between a “sexual sadist” and a “sadist” in the BDSM sense of the word.
A sexual sadist is someone who seeks to hurt others whether they enjoy pain or not. In fact, most sexual sadists get off on the fact that the person they are hurting does NOT enjoy the pain at all. A sexual sadist enjoys watching others in pain, heart-wrenching, gut-clenching pain that etches across their faces and is visible in many other ways across their bodies. He does not care for their safety; he does not care for any rules set up before a scene. Usually a sexual sadist has some dark past that he is trying to control by repeating the scene over and over in the present. Mr. Grey admits this by telling Ana that he beats dark haired girls who remind him of his mother because she didn’t protect him from her pimp and because he wants to punish his mother for abandoning him at such a young age.
A sadist, on the other hand, is someone who controls their temper and works very hard not to lose control, especially while in a scene. They put the safety of their submissive first and make it very clear that the submissive has an out if she needs it (via safewords, signals, squeaky toys and various other techniques).  A sadist doesn’t get off on giving pain to anyone or pain in any situation. A sadist only gets off on giving pain to someone who clearly enjoys it and only in certain settings. For example, a sadist would not enjoy watching a masochist (someone who enjoys pain) have her bones broken, or go through heart wrenching emotional pain. He only gets off on the pain that he gives her, and only to a certain point that both parties have agreed upon beforehand.
Outwardly, a sexual sadist and a sadist may appear identical, until just before and immediately after the safeword is called. A sexual sadist will continue regardless of the safeword or will be completely and totally shocked when the safeword is called. He will have lost himself in his needs instead of in the needs of his submissive. A sadist on the other hand, will probably stop before the safeword is called because he pays that much attention to his submissive, that he is able to tell when she is about to cry out for the scene to end. If she does find the need to call out the safeword, the scene stops immediately and the sadist spends the next several minutes (sometimes hours) attending to the needs, desires and wants of the submissive. He goes over the scene verbally with her to ensure that both parties understand why there was a need for a safeword and why it was called. He does his very best to make sure that he never puts the submissive in that place again, after all his goal is her pleasure, not her pain.
Ms. James also seems to think that all submissives are weak, overly-dependent, child-like creatures who will break at the slightest bit of wind. She portrays this by having Mr. Grey confirm to Ana over and over again that she is much too strong to ever be his submissive. Ms. James goes so far as to have the only two submissives we meet in the book be extremely weak characters, one of whom attempts suicide and then is found stalking Mr. Grey and Ana. The brief conversations between Ana and Leila (the submissive in the books) show Leila to be a very fragile creature that is to be handled with extreme care because she is so emotionally unstable. The very fact that Mr. Grey would choose a character like Leila to be his submissive speaks volumes to me about what kind of a “dom” Mr. Grey was.
Another thing that royally pissed me off about the Mr. Grey character is his overwhelming jealousy. Someone in his position, with as much power and control as is needed to be the leader and CEO of so many different companies, would not be an easily jealous person. Jealousy is a sign of weakness and weak people don’t run companies for long, they wind up getting eaten alive by people much stronger than they are.
At several points throughout the book we are told that Mr. Grey is more of an adolescent than a man, at least emotionally. Even his therapist tells Ana this at one point. I am appalled that Ana continued to date and eventually marry Mr. Grey after learning so much about him. Yes, she certainly has unconditional love for him, but in my honest opinion, her love shouldn’t be unconditional. She is not his mother, she is not his sister, and she does not deserve to be walking on eggshells for the rest of her life worrying that Mr. Grey is going to lose his shit over one thing or another.
There are so many red flags raised by Mr. Grey’s character that I wound up resenting him and Ms. James’ portrayal of BDSM. She has one fucked up viewpoint on the whole scene if you ask me. Please understand, healthy BDSM relationships do not look anything like that of Mr. Grey and Miss Steele.

Please excuse any and all grammatical and spelling errors; this post was chicken pecked on my Droid.

Peace, love, happiness and bondage,
~ Autumn

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